i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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