i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
