And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
