We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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