I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
