i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
