Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
