So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
