Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
