Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
