Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
