i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
In America we eat man semen.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
40s are totally the cure
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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