guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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