I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
