Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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