i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
