that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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