Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
