I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
