i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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