Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
