11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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