"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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