his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
