How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
