It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
