Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I could make wine with my vomit
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
