note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
