R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
