Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
