how can u be prego again
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
