just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
