Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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