So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
