I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
