I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
