Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
