My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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