Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
