John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
