I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
