I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
