You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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