mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
