Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm too high and old for this...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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