Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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