My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
