i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
