Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
