What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
