we have pet lesbian snakes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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