I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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