I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
