does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
