All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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