I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
