Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
