i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
