Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it glows. i had to have it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
