There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
