You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
