I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
