Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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