sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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