I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
