if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
